Need To Be Needed....
Before I get started with this post, I just wanted to extend a heart-felt thank you to everyone who sent me well wishes while I was away. Reading those messages makes me smile, which is not something I've done a whole lot of in recent months. No surgery, or any kind of substantial change, for that matter, has happened yet...I'm doing the best I can to remain faithful that God is never late and will provide me whatever I need to get through this very physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining time, and I firmly believe that the support of all of you is one of the major things that has held me up. Thank you all....You are all amazing blessings.
While I was away, I spent a lot of time alone, so naturally I had a lot of time to think...As I did, I came to an interesting conclusion...I'm not really needed in any fashion....Please don't think that this is some pathetic attempt at self pity, because it's nothing like that. I know I have friends that love me (some have even treated me as if I were a sister or a daughter) and that they all want me around which I am unbelievably thankful for, but it's not the same as being needed.
I've always been the kind of person to take on extra responsibility just because I like knowing that there are others who are depending on me. Take, for instance, my time at camp...My most memorable moments come from the years where I was stuck somewhere between camper and staff. There was no better feeling than knowing that a certain camper responded better to activities when I was around. When I was working in the classroom as an EA, I ate it up when I could get a difficult student to let down that wall, or when a student would run to me and tell me how much they missed me when I had been gone for a few days.
I know this probably sounds selfish in some respects, but its honestly how I'm feeling right now...Maybe it's because I'm feeling slightly left behind right now given that a most of my closest friends are either married, engaged or headed in that direction. I know, I know, my turn's coming, be happy where you are, blah, blah blah....I get it, and in theory I would tend to agree, but it's not as easily done as said....I mean who is more needed that a mother??
This post is probably sounding a little schizophrenic, but this is what happens to a person when they are ripped away from the people and things that you love the most for. as it turns out, no reason at all...
There really is no place like home......
While I was away, I spent a lot of time alone, so naturally I had a lot of time to think...As I did, I came to an interesting conclusion...I'm not really needed in any fashion....Please don't think that this is some pathetic attempt at self pity, because it's nothing like that. I know I have friends that love me (some have even treated me as if I were a sister or a daughter) and that they all want me around which I am unbelievably thankful for, but it's not the same as being needed.
I've always been the kind of person to take on extra responsibility just because I like knowing that there are others who are depending on me. Take, for instance, my time at camp...My most memorable moments come from the years where I was stuck somewhere between camper and staff. There was no better feeling than knowing that a certain camper responded better to activities when I was around. When I was working in the classroom as an EA, I ate it up when I could get a difficult student to let down that wall, or when a student would run to me and tell me how much they missed me when I had been gone for a few days.
I know this probably sounds selfish in some respects, but its honestly how I'm feeling right now...Maybe it's because I'm feeling slightly left behind right now given that a most of my closest friends are either married, engaged or headed in that direction. I know, I know, my turn's coming, be happy where you are, blah, blah blah....I get it, and in theory I would tend to agree, but it's not as easily done as said....I mean who is more needed that a mother??
This post is probably sounding a little schizophrenic, but this is what happens to a person when they are ripped away from the people and things that you love the most for. as it turns out, no reason at all...
There really is no place like home......
posted by Ashleigh @ 5:47 PM
1 Comments:
At Thursday, November 8, 2007 at 1:32:00 PM EST,
Jamie A. Grant said…
In my life, I found that I am most needed by my friends. Everyone needs a close friend, and a lot of people don't have that go-to person in their lives for whatever reasons. Finding, building and maintaining those crucial friendships is the thing that has made me feel needed.
Work, church ministry, sports...I never really felt needed in those areas. Work can always hire someone else, church ministries come and go, the sports season eventually ends.
You have a lot of opportunities to be that friend for other girls. If you want to feel needed, I certainly see a large need there...
P.S. Nice to see you blogging again!
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