On the Sidelines...
I've thought long and hard about whether or not I should post this blog since it's such a sensitive subject for me, but I've decided to give it my best shot.
Lately, I've been unable to shake the feeling that I'm doing nothing but sit on the sidelines watching while most of my friends are moving forward in their lives, dating, getting married, and some even have children. I do the best I can to hide the pain that I feel when talk turns to those subjects because I love them and want them to have whatever blessings come their way. Unfortunately, being happy for them is not the same thing as being happy with where my life is. Truth is, I thought I would at least be dating someone by now...I mean, I'm 24 years old. Let's face it, most people my age have had at least one relationship. Not me. I've said before that dating as the world sees it doesn't appeal to me in the sense that dating someone you really have no intention of making some kind of commitment to is pointless. But lately, I've been re-thinking that....How can you really know that someone is worth the commitment if you don't go out a few times one on one? Follow God's leading, right? Well, what if, like me, you don't have a clue what God's voice really sounds like? Then what? Do you take a chance and go where you think you heard Him telling you to go, and risk being sorely mistaken....or is it better to not act at all? I don't know....
What I do know is that I am sick to death of sitting on the bench hoping Coach'll put me in the game...eventually.
Lately, I've been unable to shake the feeling that I'm doing nothing but sit on the sidelines watching while most of my friends are moving forward in their lives, dating, getting married, and some even have children. I do the best I can to hide the pain that I feel when talk turns to those subjects because I love them and want them to have whatever blessings come their way. Unfortunately, being happy for them is not the same thing as being happy with where my life is. Truth is, I thought I would at least be dating someone by now...I mean, I'm 24 years old. Let's face it, most people my age have had at least one relationship. Not me. I've said before that dating as the world sees it doesn't appeal to me in the sense that dating someone you really have no intention of making some kind of commitment to is pointless. But lately, I've been re-thinking that....How can you really know that someone is worth the commitment if you don't go out a few times one on one? Follow God's leading, right? Well, what if, like me, you don't have a clue what God's voice really sounds like? Then what? Do you take a chance and go where you think you heard Him telling you to go, and risk being sorely mistaken....or is it better to not act at all? I don't know....
What I do know is that I am sick to death of sitting on the bench hoping Coach'll put me in the game...eventually.
posted by Ashleigh @ 8:13 PM
9 Comments:
At Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 7:31:00 PM EDT,
Jamie A. Grant said…
Yeah, that's a common struggle for a lot of us in our mid-twenties, I think.
Someone had an interesting note this past week in the Joshua Harris discussion group on facebook. It was about one youth group that had 70 kids and not-a-one were dating. Check that out, too.
At Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 8:03:00 PM EDT,
Steph said…
You are not alone in those feelings. It's really kind of interesting that you would post this today as it has sort of been on my mind a lot lately. Everywhere I turn around I see it-- I have one friend who is married with a baby, one who is seriously dating, and I am in my sister's wedding in August! While I leap for joy for them I also wonder when my chance will come. In fact I've just spent the past 20 minutes on google trying to find a good Christian Singles ministry near me--with no luck! It is frustrating especially when I rarely meet guys. The last time I met a guy who I found intriguing I found out he already had a girlfriend! Not fun!
And while I often find myself feeling lonely a lot, I try to remind myself to rely on the fact that I feel God has promised that the guy for me is out there and I just have to be patient. When I find him, I'll know he is worth the wait.
I truly believe this will happen for you too.
At Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 9:17:00 PM EDT,
Lori said…
I didn't meet Scott until I was 24. At your age I was single, from 20-27 it seemed like I was invisible to guys. I kept getting my heartbroken as crush after cush didn't feel the same way. I was lucky to meet Scott when I did, though I didn't marry until I was 30. You are so young, it will happen when you least expect it and aren't even searching/looking.
At Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 9:22:00 PM EDT,
Lori said…
I meant 27 met Scott at 27.
At Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 11:37:00 PM EDT,
Anonymous said…
It's very funny you should post this now, as I've recently had a revelation about this very subject. (I like to call them my jungle revelations, as that's where I was when it all came to me.)
I realized that I'd been living my life in a race towards the future. I kept looking forward to all the things I wanted in life (career, family, etc) instead of truly enjoying the things I already had.
Part of my problem involved the same things you speak of. I was watching every single one of my friends from high school get married, have children. Their lives were being sorted out and I felt hopelessly behind. I mean, after 3 years, I was newly single, still in grad school and confused about where my career goals were headed.... it felt like I was at a stand-still.
So then it came to me. What, really, was I in such a hurry for? I was bypassing all of these wonderful opportunities, ignoring all of the beautiful things around me, just to focus on things that I thought I had to have right now.
People have these ridiculous timelines imposed on their lives. We feel the need to set deadlines for everything, even things that will defy every deadline you ever set. But why? Who's to say when the right time is for one to start dating? Or to get married? Long ago, people got married at 14, because chances were they'd only live to be 30! So, by that standard, we shouldn't even think about marriage until we're 40! (Ridiculous example, maybe, but you get my point...)
So your "problem" (and I use the word very loosely) has more to do with relationships, whereas my issues lie more in the school/career aspect... The same outlook still applies. Life is what you make it. If you sit on the bench, waiting for someone else to put you in the game, you just may never play. Go play, Ashleigh. Put yourself in the game. Take charge of your life and live it the way you want.
I'm going to stop now, because I'm starting to sound like a bad infomercial, but I truly believe everything I've said here. Think about it.
- Ashley
At Thursday, June 21, 2007 at 2:18:00 PM EDT,
Mike said…
You could always ask a guy out.
I'm baffled why none of the other comments mentioned this.
At Thursday, June 21, 2007 at 3:46:00 PM EDT,
Ashleigh said…
See...I would ask a guy out...really I would, but let's just say my "guy-dar" has been busted for quite some time. Who knows...one of these days I may actually get up the nerve to ask someone out...
At Thursday, June 21, 2007 at 4:26:00 PM EDT,
Jamie A. Grant said…
Mike: A girl ask a guy out? That's rare indeed. It's the guy's job to stick his neck out on the line and risk it all...or so everyone agrees.
Although recently, Ashleigh and I were talking to an engaged couple on Wing Night and they got together mostly thanks to her persistance. Like I said, though, it's rare.
At Thursday, June 21, 2007 at 5:44:00 PM EDT,
Sarah said…
Oh Ashleigh,
I was thinking just the same thing the other day. I'm only 21, so I'm a little young to get married. I mean 21 isn't a bad age to get married, but I would to get marry later than 21.
Don't worry, I've never been out on a date either, so don't feel bad.
I want to get married, but I think that's in God's plan. I just haven't met the right guy yet.
My parents have prayed every night (since I was little) that I would met a nice Christian guy to marry. Right now, that hasn't happened yet, but maybe in the future, it will happen.
btw, how have you been?
*hugs*
Sarah :)
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