Mission: Discovery

Ever since I was a little girl, I guess you could say I've been a bit of a drama queen. I've loved performing in any aspect from as far back as I can remember. From learning to sing harmony at the age of 5 (just one of the many skills I picked up courtesy of Northwood Easter Seal Camp), to my first school choir/play at age 8, performing has just been something I've always done. Unfortunately, I have been told my many people over the years (including repeated reminders from my loving yet WAY too harsh with the reality, parents) that pursuing acting as a full time career was, as they put it, an "unrealistic career goal for someone like me".

And over time, I came to believe this and begin to pursue other options. Don't get me wrong, I've been really happy pursuing my goal of becoming an Educational Assistant. I've truly come to love working in the classroom, particularly with children who have learning and behavioral difficulties. That said, there's always been a part of me that still yearns to be in front of a camera, bringing a character to life. Please do not misunderstand me...my goal is not and never has been, to be "famous" per se, I just want to be able to make a living acting. That's why, out of curiosity in the fall of '05 or so, I posted a free "portfolio" of sorts on a site for aspiring models (let me make this clear...I am so NOT model material. I think you actually need to be pretty to do that..LOL...shoot me for the self-deprecation if you must, but I just don't see anything close to pretty when I look in the mirror). Since that time, I've gotten a few bites from interested photogs (well one actually... he shot 75 frames or so for free because he had never shot someone in a wheelchair before. For the record, the shoot took place just outside my building in broad daylight with people milling about, so it was 100% safe...Not to mention the fact that I researched this guy ahead of time to ensure that he was legit).

I've also gotten repeat offers from one agency in Toronto that I've never gotten back to. Something in me just didn't feel like it was the right place for me....And that's been it...until late last week when I received an offer of representation from C &A Talent, an agency that deals with print, film television and other opportunities. According to the e-mail I received, some of their clients have made anywhere between $100-$3500 per job. Some of these jobs include: Much Music Concert listings, K-OS music video, Marilyn Manson music video, Russell Crowe's film "Cinderella Man", Trident billboards.

I'm trying to decide whether or not I should meet with them to discuss the possibility of working with them, since they seem to be confident that I have a "marketable look"...At first, I thought maybe the lady that looked at my profile didn't know that I have a disability, but then I went back and checked it, and it turns out that I did include that I use a power wheelchair and leg braces. Maybe she just didn't see that part...Or maybe she did and is still interested.

This is the first time I've gotten an offer that I haven't been able to let go of. The last few times this has happened, I read it, enjoyed the few fleeting moments of flattery it brought, but then realized that it was probably too good to be true, and even if it wasn't, I couldn't get to Toronto anyway because of financial constraints...And besides, what if I get there and the building isn't wheelchair accessible? This time I CAN afford it. I really would like to go, but I'm not sure I can since I won't go alone, and I don't know of anyone that would be willing to go, even though I would pay for everything this person would need (greyhound ticket, since I should go in the chair I use most of the time to give the agency the clearest picture of my abilities, food, and anything else that might come up...hotel won't be necessary since we would go down and back the same day)....It sucks too because I REALLY need the money.

I know that there is a high likelihood that absolutely nothing would come out of this meeting, but the thought of living the rest of my life wondering if anything would have come of it, leaves me feeling almost sick.

But since going to that meeting alone is absolutely out of the question...What choice do I have?