Just wait...

Two words that I have never liked to hear...I like to joke sometimes and say that since I was born 3 and a half months early, the ability to wait never got encoded onto my DNA.

Unfortunately, that's the message that I've been getting from the Holy Spirit for a while now...Just wait. I'm trying...Trying to be patient and allow God to fulfill words that He has given to me in His own time. The hardest thing for me to deal with is not the fear that perhaps I have heard God wrong or not at all (although that does cross my mind from time to time, especially lately, but more this unshakable feeling of restlessness that says "I don't have time to wait...I need to do this now before I miss my chance."

Where does this come from? Lack of trust in God? Fear that my dreams are not in God's perfect plan for my life? And if that's the case, why are some dreams so deeply ingrained on my heart? Some, I feel, are somehow inate....like these particular dreams have been there so long, I don't recall them being birthed in me. Or maybe it comes from looking around me and seeing everyone else achieving their goals and discovering their purposes, while I, once again, watch from the sidelines. I feel a bit left behind I guess.

I know in my heart that this is just God preparing me for something much bigger than I could even fathom, but despite knowing that and trusting that my Creator knows what He's doing...I'm still restless...the same questions continue to plague me...

Will I ever get there? When will I finally be able to say "I know why I was created."?