Open Book...

Over the last week or so, a few people have asked a number of questions about my disability and just my life in general. Because of this, I thought it might be a good idea, over the course of the next few entries or so, to make myself an open book as it were...to give those interested the opportunity to ask me any questions you want. I have gone back and forth about doing blogs like these for fear that they may seem somehow narcissistic, but previous experiences have taught me that there are those who are curious, and naturally so, when it comes to a person with a disability...they want to ask questions, but they fear offense. That's why I've chosen to do this. I believe God gave me a heart to teach for reasons such as this, to destroy incorrect stereotypes and to just plain tell you whatever you want to know (I do mean ANYTHING. I can answer pretty much any question regarding my disability in a way that won't be embarrassing for myself or anyone else...Try me...

For now, I thought I would post a couple of questions that someone asked me on a message board a few days ago.

How could something like Cerebral Palsy be a gift?

First, let me start by saying that not everyone considers their disability a gift...In fact I would bet that I am in the minority on this one, but let me assure you, my perspective has only recently been changed. For a long, LONG time, I hated myself because of my disability. I was just sick and tired of people never really seeing ME, but only seeing my disability.I started to see things differently after I re-committed my life to the Lord early last year, but not completely...Not until one day last summer I believe it was. Once again, I had been hurt by something because of my disability, and I found myself lying in bed crying, BEGGING God to tell me why He "did this to me". I was shocked at what I heard Him say, so much so that I will never forget it as long as I live...He said, "You may not be able to stand in your physical body, but you can stand in your spirit." Well there it was...my purpose....To lead by DOING. To show the rest of the world what God showed me that night with that one simple, seemingly non-sensical, phrase. I am not defined by my disability, no more than any of you are defined by the color of your eyes. Neither one of us can change those things. My disability is merely part of my circumstance, it is NOT who I am. I like to say it like this: I have a disability, my disability does NOT have me.

Why would God do that to someone?

God didn't do this TO me, He did it FOR me. I know in my heart that if I were born able-bodied like my sisters, I would probably be just like them....a single mother of 2 by age 20 fighting just to get by, or doing anything and everything I could think of just to be accepted. And one thing's for certain...I would NEVER have come to the Lord. I am the way I am, because I feel like God wants me to teach those around me. It's my responsibility, I feel, to break down every single negative stereotype and pre-conceived notion that I come across. I have a voice, and I have a duty to use it on behalf of those who want to, but CAN'T. Can I do it alone? No, of course not. But then again, not one of us can truly come into our full God-given destiny on our own right? I am blessed to have great friends who, when necessary, will sit on the phone with me for hours while I pour out my dreams, fears, hurts, and many, many tears. There are others who will meet with me just to listen to me ramble as I work through yet another battle with self-doubt. There's no doubt in my mind that I would not be as confident in my direction in life right now without friends like these as sounding boards. To me, they are living testimony that God makes provision for EVERYTHING He asks us to do...all we have to do is trust Him and follow.

That's all for this post, but if there's anything you want to know about my life, or just some general question that you've always wondered about, leave it in the comments section. Please post anonymously if you would prefer not to have your name attached to your question.