Frienships...What makes them "real"?
This is another question I have been asking myself quite a bit recently...Some things have happened over the years and also in recent weeks that make me wonder what "true friendship" really means, and who do I have in my life that fits that description...
I've always had a hard time making and maintaining friendships for some reason. Part of me thinks that part of the reason for this is that some people feel obligated to be "nice to the girl in the wheelchair" without ever actually truly considering me a friend. I've come to the conclusion that this was probably the case throughout most of my years at Easter Seal camp. There were people there that I cared for very much and became very close to (particularly staff). I could talk to these people about anything that I needed to, and could depend on them to be there whenever I needed them. Then the camp closed, and it seemed like I lost those friendships as well as the one place I truly felt at home.
Then there are the friends that I have met online. With the exception of one person, I can't say that I feel a real, deep connection with any of them. Sure, we have common interests, and we can even help each other through certain issues in our lives, but I've seen recently that it doesn't take much to damafe these friendships.
Outside of these two areas, I have a really difficult time with friends. It seems like people for the most part feel very awkward around me. There's no going out and just having fun...that's too hard, too much of a production....And if I do manage to meet someone who seems unphased by all of it, I find myself waiting for that to go away. That's part of why I love the arts. When I'm part of a production, I can meet people and have fun without putting someone in the position of working around my disability. Does that make sense?
Ultimately, my biggest issue comes down to this: Past experiences have taught me that venturing out an searching for any type of connection if you will, is fruitless. Most of the time what I find is superficial and without substance, or I end up too connected, and the relationship ends up being much more important to me than the other person.
Is there a way to strike a balance, or are we as humans just forced to step out and take the risk, regardless of the outcome?
I've always had a hard time making and maintaining friendships for some reason. Part of me thinks that part of the reason for this is that some people feel obligated to be "nice to the girl in the wheelchair" without ever actually truly considering me a friend. I've come to the conclusion that this was probably the case throughout most of my years at Easter Seal camp. There were people there that I cared for very much and became very close to (particularly staff). I could talk to these people about anything that I needed to, and could depend on them to be there whenever I needed them. Then the camp closed, and it seemed like I lost those friendships as well as the one place I truly felt at home.
Then there are the friends that I have met online. With the exception of one person, I can't say that I feel a real, deep connection with any of them. Sure, we have common interests, and we can even help each other through certain issues in our lives, but I've seen recently that it doesn't take much to damafe these friendships.
Outside of these two areas, I have a really difficult time with friends. It seems like people for the most part feel very awkward around me. There's no going out and just having fun...that's too hard, too much of a production....And if I do manage to meet someone who seems unphased by all of it, I find myself waiting for that to go away. That's part of why I love the arts. When I'm part of a production, I can meet people and have fun without putting someone in the position of working around my disability. Does that make sense?
Ultimately, my biggest issue comes down to this: Past experiences have taught me that venturing out an searching for any type of connection if you will, is fruitless. Most of the time what I find is superficial and without substance, or I end up too connected, and the relationship ends up being much more important to me than the other person.
Is there a way to strike a balance, or are we as humans just forced to step out and take the risk, regardless of the outcome?
posted by Ashleigh @ 5:29 AM
1 Comments:
At Wednesday, February 21, 2007 at 11:56:00 AM EST,
Jamie A. Grant said…
You mentioned the wheelchair thing as a big factor several times. I think that this problem of a lack of friendship is much more common than you realize. Not to dismiss that factor, I just don't think that it's the biggest hindrance here.
I am continually meeting so many people that are earnestly looking for a good, close friend. It's tough for a lot of people to do, and maybe it has a lot to do with our modern Canadian or Christian culture. The irony is that two people may have this desire to a close friend and they could kill two birds with one stone if they become each other's friend.
Two other notes:
1) No single friend can be everything that we need in a friend. Different people serve different needs, and we serve unique needs in return.
2) Friendships do need to be tested. Some people are surprised when friendships falter over long distances or during trying situations, but friendships require work and commitment from both people.
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