Trials, Tears, and Tiny Triumphs...

To say that this week has been rough would be a gross understatement. It all started a week ago Saturday when my younger sister came to stay with me for a while, until she could find her own place. She wasn't here 3 days beforeit became abundantly clear that this arrangement was just not going to work. We have never gotten along, so I guess it was kind of stupid of me to even agree to let her stay, though I really felt I had no other choice at the time. I mean, she called me falling apart, begging to come here and stay with me because I could help her get back on the right track. I thought this might be the answer to a long-standing prayer, and that this could be my opportunity to finally share Christ with her. WRONG...I won't go into details, but let's just say I feel used. I know I did the right thing by askind her to leave, but part of me still feels like I failed in some way, like if I had done and said some things differently, maybe things would have gone better...I'll never know. All I can do now is pray that God will open up another door for her and the rest of my family at some point.

In the midst of all of this there has been some good news...I think I may have finally found the right combination of meds to help keep me pain free enough to really focus on school without wondering when of if I'll be forced to leave early because of a serious bout of pain. This isn't the complete answer though...I have a feeling that will only happen though surgery, which, I know, sounds bad, but at least with surgery you suffer through the recovery process and then it's over. Chronic issues are much more straining physically and emotionally. I've been dealing with this leg issue since July 2005 and I'm spent already. I say, put me on that table already.

Here's hoping that when I look back over this and other blogs at the end of the year, I'll be able to see that all of the tears I have shed over the course of this week have been worth it. I know God is in the middle of all of this, it's just more frustrating than I anticipated not knowing what He is doing...Although, I do know one thing for sure...

Romans 8:28--And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose-- courtesy BibleGateway.com

Spinning out of control....

I just received notice that my disability support has been suspended as of January 1st, apparently because they were unable to contact me. How is that possible when I distinctly remember calling and leaving a message asking for someone to contact me to set up a time for my review. I CANNOT live without this cheque. It literally pays for the roof over my head....If I lose this, I also lose my drug coverage.....

I feel like my world is caving in around me. I would appreciate all the prayers I can get right now.

-Ashleigh