Self Analysis...

The last few days have been days of much introspection for me...It started on Saturday morning when I missed choir rehearsal because there was a mix up with mt ride. The person that I thought would be picking me up thought that somebody else was driving me, so she didn't. Once this person realized that there had been a mix up, she came to get me. However, she told me that she would not be able to drive me home.

Now here's where I realized the need for some introspection: When my friend told me that she could not drive me home, but would find someone that could, I immediately shut down the idea. I was immediatley overcome with the feeling that I would be putting someone that I barely know in a very awkward position, despite my friend's attempts to assure me that nobody would feel that way.

Since then, I've been trying to figure out where these feelings come from. I need to figure out why, everytime I'm in a position of requiring actual hands on assistance from somebody, I'm immediatley overcome with a sense of anxiety and the desire to just disappear.

I really need to get past this (at least somewhat)....and fast. I received an e-mail from the pastor involved with the choir for the Christmas production last night, and he told me that the only way I'll be able to get onto the platform with my regular (power) wheelchair is if a group of people physically lift it up there because there won't be a ramp. As soon as I read this, I was terrified. What if someone gets hurt? What if they try to lift the chair but can't (it is probably close to 300lbs in weight)? Will I be left with no choice but to pull out of the production? Should I pull out? If I did, then things would be a whole lot less complicated for everyone else.

Those are just some of the questions that have been running through my head over the last few days...

-Ashleigh

P.S. For those of you interested in the "Putting the Word to Work" questions, I'll try to have 3 more up either later on tonight or sometime tomorrow.